THE SCREAMING

THE SCREAMING

            Jay just got slapped on the hand for drawing on the TV.  I never really yell at him.  It kills me when I do, because I know how innocent he is.  Except when he is screaming.  He has some scream!  I’ve never heard a human beings vocal cords reach that pitch.  It’s defining and makes your ears ring.  He just has to grow up to become a singer.  Singers don’t need too be the sharpest tool in the shed.  Plus, he’s pretty darn cute and he can easily cover those ears with long rocker hair.  I don’t know where my boys got their protruding ears from.  My mother says they were inherited from my grandfather.  I personally harbor guilt for having breast feed them with their ears bent in the wrong direction.  I should have straightened them out every time, but my boys were attached to my boobs constantly and I just wasn’t up for paying attention to that little detail.  Now I have two gorgeous boys with ears that hopefully the girls will want to pull them in by for kisses.  They do have really kissable faces.  I’ve kissed them so many times that they have been all red from irritation or lipstick. 

            Can I tell you!?  There is nothing more frustrating and painful then the sound of your child’s scream.  I think God made our child’s voice magnifying to us so our mother lion instinct would kick in and send our reaction time into overdrive.  Like when we jump up to make a bottle even though we are going on two hours of broken sleep or race over to pull our kids head out of a vice (whatever the circumstances may be that day).  But what about the fact that such a scream can really piss you off!  Even from your very own offspring?  God certainly doesn’t want you to haul off and belt them.  It’s even hard to admit that sometime I would like to, but motherhood is a true test of patience and when mine wears thin, I remind myself of just that. 

It’s so hard when they scream, especially when it’s for nothing.  For example: “I don’t know where my shoes are…Wa!” or “I’m to tired to clean…Wa!” or when my husband or I leave the car for a quick second and Jay instantly screams bloody murder until we return.  Sometimes I’ll pop an M&M in his mouth and it will calm him until he’s done sucking up all the chocolate and wants more, then the screaming just starts up again.  But that’s Jay’s only flaw; screaming occasionally.  Max, on the other hand, is a big whiner, which is hard to deal with since he whines almost the whole day unless I get him out of the house.  But who would wants to go out with the whiner, when the screamer doesn’t take well to new places. 

          Jay is a very routined child.  Anything new is a little traumatic for him.  I don’t cater to that ridiculousness, so if I want to go somewhere…I go.  We bare through the crying together.  It usually lasts about twenty minutes, but then he is fine and usually well adjusted.  I guess I’m like that too.  I get a little nervous doing things for the first time, but after that, I’m fine.  Its human nature! Defense mode, I guess.  Toddlers can’t tell you they are nervous, so they just scream instead.  Come to think of it…that’s Jay’s best form of communication, at the moment.  I’ll have to ride out this roller coaster.  The highs are so sweet and the lows are excruciating. 

I can’t believe people (usually elders) have the nerve to say to me, “this is the best part of your life…when you’re children are this age.” “Enjoy it because you will miss all this!”  I smile and nod but “they” must have forgotten all about the screaming.  Then I have people who tell me, “oh boy! It only gets harder as they get older.”  That really puts the fear in me. 

            I originally wanted five kids.  Now, I think I’m happy with two.  I’ll always long for a little girl though.  Not so much the little part.  I dreamt of a teenaged girl coming to me for boyfriend advice, getting our hair done together, staying up and waiting for her to get home and tell me all about it.  I wanted her to grow up and make me her best friend for life and then bring me her babies, so I could give her a break.  I can hopeful do the same with my boys but realistically, the mother (my son’s wives) would be the ones to really call the shots when it comes to my grandchildren.  Plus, they will look to their own mothers, like I do.  I love my mother –in-law.  She’s perfect, but I still look to my mother for the answers. 

I’m only in my early 30’s so we have plenty of time to re-evaluate our family planning.  I can’t even fathom the pregnancy symptoms, the newborn feedings every three hours and the constant screaming.  Oh boy! No more screaming…please!