Thursday, December 29, 2011



An old friend came back into my life recently.  She is not officially “in” yet.  I have to keep a distance since the mere mention of her name gives my husband hives.  Ok…not actual hives, but when he found her name on my cell phone he looked as though he saw a ghost…that he wanted to kill.  He has despised this friend from the beginning of time (our time) and he fought my friendship with her ferociously.  Now, you would think…What has she done to make him despise her so much?  And come to think of it…she’s done nothing (to him directly).  Ok! So maybe she was the bad influence friend.  I like to have thought of her as my partner in crime.  We bar hopped, experienced all the clubs and she was even the one who dragged me through Paterson all through the night and let me enjoy the rising sun.  There have been so many movies based on this particular friend.  The one throughout history who has pissed off “the best friend’s boyfriend.”  Everyone knows how the story goes; in comes the boyfriend and out goes the best friend.  I didn’t want that to happen.  I loved her and valued our strong friendship.  So, I fought for her.  She has no idea how many tears and fights I went through just to keep her somewhat in the picture.  At times my husband made it unbearable.  We both admittedly thought we were right and the other was pathetically in the wrong.  His words to be exact, “She’s a dirty w----.  We don’t need her in our lives.” (My husband can be extremely crude to say the least)  And my point, “We have been best friends forever and she has not influenced me to do anything I didn’t want to do in the first place.”  I have no judgment wether she is a “w----” or not.  It doesn’t affect me!” 
My points could never convince him and his jealousy would never convince me.  However, to hold onto two relationships were my best friend and my boyfriend hated each other with a passion, was simply too hard.  The distance grew and the last straw for me was when she didn’t show up or call for the birth of my son.  That’s always a heart breaker.  I finally thought to myself, “Maybe Jake is right.  Maybe she doesn’t give a shit about anyone but herself!?”  But I knew that wasn’t true.  I just held onto the anger to help me rid myself of her and all our memories. 
Years past.  Out of sight, out of mind, but I carried her in my heart the whole time.  Once in a while I feared I would get the dreaded call that she was killed or overdosed and my guilt for not having been there for her would rear its ugly head.  So, I’m a little relieved that she has made contact and found me.  But now that I know she is in one piece, what do I do with her?  Four years later and my life is so different now with two little boys.  I’m a boring housewife.  What will she want from me? 
We have exchanged a couple of brief emails.  Summed up our lives in a few sentences, but I think that’s all I have to offer her.  If I let her into my life and my heart then I’m afraid I will want to fight for her all over again.  Jake is afraid of that too.  He’s watching my next move like a hawk.  I actually find it a little amusing because I was losing his attention to long hours at the office.  So now, I know to use his jealousy to my advantage.  He came home a little early last night since he is trying to show me he is making the effort to keep me happy.  God forbid someone else would make me happy! 
I told her I would meet her at the mall.  Even I am hesitant to see her.  I don’t know why but she has always been an open door for me.  I used her to escape problems at home and school when I was young.  She got me through some bad times.  I don’t think I need that door anymore, but I’ll always want to thank her for it.


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  2. I love how real your posts are. You take something that happens in most of our lives and articulate is so well. I think we've all been there, losing friends to marriage, children and all the other things that life serves us. Good luck meeting your friend!

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  5. Hi There,

    Your blog touched my heart as I have a sister of the heart who had been with me through the toughest part of my life growing up. We were so close. I knew she was a little off, but I loved here. When I got married it kind of left her out in the cold as I got on with my life. She had a mental illness and when I tried to help her my husband didn't approve. He said hurtful things and although we are still together, I don't think I can ever forgive him for making me the rope in a game of tug-o-war. I don't see her anymore and I don't even know how she is, and to this day I do not have a close friend like I had in her. I'm afraid to call her father for fear of what I'll find, or find she is still here and I couldn't help here. Heavy sigh. I can sympathize with your situation and I hope for the best. Sincerely, Mary Merrell. I'm on book bloggers if you'd like to respond. My email is mary_merrell@sbcglobal.net.