Wednesday, November 2, 2011


When I was a teenager I always had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.  I missed a ton of school for that very reason.  I still hate getting up in the morning.  It’s gotten easier with age and of course children train your body to get up in an instant.  Plus, getting up at 7 in the morning is a hell of a lot easier than getting up every three hours to nurse or jump out of bed for those terrible mid-night screams that you MUST tend to. 
Thinking back I can still remember the dread getting up for high school, until I met my high school crush.  He was extremely tall with big sparkling blue eyes and he resembled my movie star idol, Leonardo DiCaprio.  Of course he was Mr. Popularity, class clown and rumor had it, came from a family rolling in cash.  Money was never a big deal to me but I always imagined him throwing big (underage drinking) parties in his parents mansion.  I can remember secretly swooning over him in my head every time he passed me in the hallway but god forbid one of the “popular girls” caught me staring at him. (Jealous girls in high school would be a whole different chapter of its own). 
Anyway, every time I saw him, the fast heartbeat would kick in along with the sweaty palms and of course, the extreme shyness never helped matters.  All of these horrible crush symptoms kept me from saying two words to the boy.  So I just admired him from afar.  But he sure as hell got me out of bed in the mornings. 
I always tried to pretty myself up and since that was a difficult task, being that I went to catholic school and we had to wear uniforms, I would improvise by rolling up my skirt as high as it could go without showing all the goods.  The nuns hated that and would scream “demerit” as I was forced to roll it back down.  Once I rolled my skirt up so short that my ass must have been hanging out because my class was in silent hysterics when I was called up to the chalk board.  I viciously turned to face the class with my cheeks all flushed but no one dare respond.  Later I was told it was my other cheeks that made the class roar.  “Thank God” I thought.  A little ass in catholic school was all too common, if you catch my drift.  Not saying that all catholic school girls are sluts, but there is a reason that stereo type came to be.
Even though I tried to catch my crushes attention with a short skirt, the years past and nothing came of it.  By senior year I think everyone, but him, knew that he was my boy of choice.  A week before graduation the seniors had a field trip.  I sat on the bus and long behold guess who sat down right beside me?  It was him! And he was close! What was I to do?  Even though my instincts were to run, I had no choice but to confront my fantasy.  He instantly smirked! He must have known I loved him.  It was obvious!
I don’t really remember our conversation but I remember laying it out for him, pretty clear.  I had this one chance to let him know what I was thinking and so….I did!  Sometimes fear and intimidation makes me downright blunt and aggressive.  I was 17, my sex drive was bursting at the seams and my heartthrob was in arms length.  If I had the hormones of a boy, I might have just jumped right in his lap.  He liked the attention (what boy wouldn’t?!)  He took my number and promised to call.  But a couple of weeks had passed and the call never came.  I wasn’t as heart broken as I thought I would be.  I was actually relieved that I got to express a little bit of how I felt to him.  I never came out and said, “I adore you!” but giving him my number was the best way I could admit my immature love.
Our ten year reunion passed a couple of years back.  I didn’t go because I’ve never really kept in touch with people from high school and I hate doing the quick catch up of what I have been doing with my life over the years.  I do have some wonderful occurrences to brag about like my two boys, my husband, our “perfect” little life but to have to go to a place where you are expected to dish it out to people you can barely remember, seems rather dull to me.  That and the fact that my husband hates to socialize therefore I would pretty much be on my own, doesn’t help matters.  However, I would get to catch another glimpse of my high school crush.  That would put a little smile on my face.  My husband knows all about him.  We had joked about my puppy dog love when reunion time came around.  But all jokes aside, my husband would be furious if he caught my eyes wandering around the room looking for Amor (shall we call him). 
If I gave you his real name, you may be familiar with it.  His name was in the papers recently.  Actually on the cover of the paper.  Turns out my crush never left our high school.  I always imagined he went off to run “daddy’s company” and became a multi-billion air somewhere.  But no! He stayed on his old stopping grounds.  I guess that’s where he felt like a king because thinking back; he was the king during our high school run.  But what goes up must come down and way down it came to the pit of hell is where I’m sure he is sitting at this very moment.  Behind bars.  He is charged with sexual assault on three minors which supposedly took place during a school trip. 
Come on now? Are you kidding me?  The four year “love” of my life is a sex offender?  Hell no! Say it aint’ so?  OK…In MY MIND here is the scenario; an attractive, young teacher in a position of authority.  He is not only good looking but extremely outgoing (the Mr. Popularity type) with the girls.  The girls are probably swooning over him, such as me at that very same age.  I’m pretty certain they were teens with fantasies, such as me and I’m pretty sure he was going through that early mid life crisis thing.  I really shouldn’t’ compare this horrible event to myself but I’m morning the “perfect image” loss of my high school crush and I guess its human nature to want to take the side of the person you know or at least thought you knew. 
I didn’t really know him but I knew of him and I think (especially being a sensitive cancer) I have a natural intuition about human emotions.  In many cases I can pick up on how people are feeling.  It’s a strong sense that I think cancerians are blessed with.  Not saying that I have psychic intuitions because I am absolutely terrible at predicting outcomes and how people will and do react to a situation, but I can relate to how people feel because when human emotions fly it is usually a very familiar feeling.  Somehow, I think I might know how he was feeling.  For starters; empowered (being in a position of authority over a bunch of teens); flattered with the attention or maybe he still thought of himself as just one of the kids, being that he was still in his very own high school.  Whatever it was, we can sum it up to bad decisions.  People say sick!  Being that he was a teacher and taking advantage of his students.  I can’t get into this debate.  I will not defend his behavior.  But I know if I was 17 and had a crush on a teacher, regardless of his age, and somehow I had the opportunity to take advantage of him and him of me, damn right I would take it!  Now, with that being said, the teacher is supposed to know better and NEVER let that happen, but he did.  Maybe it was a moment or moments of weakness.  But we are not supposed to be weak.  Society says it, especially when it comes to this.   Who want’s to feel bad for their high school crush?  It’s a bummer.  It’s like looking into the future and seeing shit.  The point is my fantasy died, along with his reputation.


  1. Oh man! What are the chances, huh?! What a great post, you are an excellent writer. I was hooked, beginning to end!

  2. I can totally relate to not being able to get out of bed! I was drawn into the post from the first sentence. I am glad you told your crsuh how you felt and moved on- since it sounds like he has a lot of issues. What a shame that he turned out to be a bad person- but lucky you that you moved on and found someone better! :)

    Your writing is humerous and interesting! What a treat!

    I found you through Book Blogs and signed up to follow you. When you have a chance- please stop by and follow the blog for my middle grade novel that I am hoping to get published. http://thesecretdmsfilesoffairdaymorrow.blogspot.com/

    Take care-
    Jess- although I may show up as Fairday, the main character from my novel. I can't figure out why that happens and I can't fix it. :)

  3. I could relate to hating mornings and high school crush. Do any of us forget our high school crush? I can not imagine finding this out. How terrible. A friend from bookblogs.ning